Because a little bit of misery reminds me of what I thought the world would be,
because I drown out the memories of the things I used to feel
because I blast away those thoughts with a melody of misery
because happy is something I am hidding from
because happy will make me what I want to become
and then happy will leave me when I realise I have none
and once I stand alone and look back on what I was once told
I can see your face,
I can feel your eyes
crying
for a chance to make me smile something I refuse
because it will make me belong to you
and I dont know if I can I dont know if you want me
if it is real I cant tell
if its a lie, how you feel, how you say you love me
without words
with those eyes that scream for
a moment alone in my heart
where you long to be
where you want me to see
that its you that makes me
who I need to be but
that version of me
scares me.